How to Set Boundaries With Yourself for Better Emotional Well-Being

I don’t know about you – but, for me – I thought setting boundaries was something we do with others.

Then, one day, someone said to me, “if you can’t be with yourself, how can you be with other people?”

For some, self-love is a radical choice, especially after years of selling themselves short. This calls for profoundly new actions.

How to set boundaries with yourself looks like saying (to yourself), “I love you but this doesn’t make me feel good. I want to feel good with you, because I love you.”

Here’s what that can look like:

• Having a bedtime
  • Momentum is everything in life. Most people have a wake-up alarm, but have you heard of anybody having a go-to-bed alarm? Just a thought.
  • Guaranteed rest for the next day. Having a bedtime can ensure an early start to your day. Why not max out on sunlight while also feeling well rested?
  • According to Spirit of Compassion, 10pm to 2am is a prime time for circadian rest. Consider this 4-hour window a ‘double the points’ rewards opportunity on your sleep

• Setting restrictions on your devices
  • In other words, don’t be a slave to your phone. Delete apps that promote mindless checking; your instagram feed can wait until you get to your laptop, Eric.
  • Blue light before sunlight messes with my entire day. My mind becomes way less disciplined when this happens. Am I more sensitive than most? Maybe. But trust me, I feel each of our ancestors would react in the same way I do, given a smartphone for the first time.
  • Same goes for bedtime. Aim for the inner workings of your mind to be at zero when you fall asleep. I’ve done this. Your mind will feel refreshed and clear upon waking up.

• Not believing all thoughts as truth
  • Realize that your thoughts will vary based on your mood!
  • Most of the time, you are at the mercy of your mind, and not your own free will. That’s right. Until you learn to quiet your mind consistently, by taking time for stillness, and doing one thing at a time (for mindfulness purposes), thoughts will make their way to your conscious mind and you won’t know where they came from (or why).
  • Learn to identify when you’re in a good mood, so that you can recognize the low points. In those times, be gentle with yourself, because your thoughts may deceive you.
• Eating foods that make you feel good
  • Delayed gratification is the name of the game. But have you ever heard of people craving leafy greens once they start eating them consistently?
  • Recognize that your body is a machine, and is borrowed. Respect it, and watch your own self-worth follow.
  • Eat food (real food), not too much, mostly plants.

• Doing hard things in the moment to create your desired future
  • “To procrastinate is to be entitled. It is arrogant. It assumes there will be a later. It assumes you’ll have the discipline to get to it later (despite not having the discipline now).” – Ryan Holiday
  • Doing the hard thing in the moment is equivalent to choosing the higher timeline. We always have a choice. Why not see how good life can get?
  • A great line from Avatar: The Last Airbender goes like this: “With fierce determination, passion, and hard work, you can accomplish anything. Raw talent alone is not enough.”
• Sticking to your word
  • This is Integrity 101. Deep down, you know where you f*cked up. Do not disrespect your own self.
  • Think of honouring your word and completed tasks as an invisible boost to your Self-Respect-O-Meter (which is invisible because your energy introduces you before your words do). Wanna be powerful? Build your score up.
  • The best way to keep your promises? Don’t make any.

How can these things be done?

• By using the tools at your disposal
  • Tell Siri to set a 60-minute timer for you to get work done. AI can hold you accountable when no one else will.
  • Plaster sticky notes in hard-to-miss places if need be.

• Dedicate 5 minutes the night before to write a to-do list. Crossing things off physically never gets old.
• Don’t even have it in the house
  • Junk food? Don’t even venture down that aisle!
  • Clothes you haven’t worn in 12 months? Think of material objects as energy. Out with the old, in with the new. The Force rewards people who keep it moving; energy.
  • Unwanted gifts from past lovers? Same same.
• Just go back-to-back for starters
  • Use tomorrow to help you be accountable today.
  • What has worked for me? Playing the Drake song ‘Back to Back’ as my hype/celebration song for creating new habits (ie. no looking at screens after midnight).
  • The reward of having completed just 2 days of a new boundary for yourself will make day 3 that much easier. Forget 21 days to create a habit. Keep going back-to-back.

When is a boundary safe to break?

• Don’t ever attach yourself to a person, a place, a company, an organization or a project.
• Attach yourself to a mission, a calling, a purpose ONLY.
• All of the above will guarantee you your power and your peace.